In Dreams
by Xehra
Summary: It is a terrible thing to be in love with your best friend.


Title: In Dreams  
  
Author: Xehra )  
  
Fandom: Harry Potter  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: Love hurts.   
  
Category: Shameless mush  
  
Pairing: H/H/R  
  
Disclaimer: JKR owns it all, I make no coin  
  
Thanks: To jenavira for the beta  
  
It is a terrible thing to be in love with your best friend.  
  
To have your heart leap when he smiles, to be happy simply because he is and have every one of his setbacks pain you as if it were your own.  
  
It is a terrible thing to be in love with your best friend. Even worse, to love both of them.  
  
It took me a long time to realise about Harry. At first I just thought I was suffering the same malady as every other first-year girl: to have fallen completely under the spell of celebrity woven by The Boy Who Lived. And then I grew to know Harry, really know him - his hopes, fears, dreams and weaknesses. Inevitably, his fate became entangled with my own.  
  
I think my love grew out of friendship, out of the trials we had been through together. We became close, and one day as we walked to class it struck me; he was so very dear in my heart.  
  
I had always loved Ron, of course. It is my most closely guarded secret, something I hold close to my chest. It is a small flame of affection that I have tended and cared for, ever anxious that one of his offhand hurtful comments will snuff it out. At first we fought, but then made up and our bond became stronger each time. I love how he feels things so strongly, his fierce loyalty and his boisterous, ever-present family. To me, Ron is The Boy Who Lives.  
  
But with my love comes fear, the ever-present dread of losing that which matters most. Especially now the War has started and the dark times are upon our world again.  
  
In the dead of night, when the girls dormitory is quiet my fear comes upon me. I am driven to the window to curl up on the wide sill and look out at the still world.  
  
If one of them dies in the fighting, I have a plan. I will mourn him, with all my being, and then marry the other. Our shared grief will ensure the one who is lost will remain in our memory. It will hurt, but though it may be a high price, I will pay it if it ends in victory for our side over Voldemort. I want the next generation of wizarding children to grow up in a world without this shadow.  
  
If both of them are killed, I shall kill myself. I like the contrariness of it. Logical, dispassionate Hermione doing such a dramatic, emotional thing. An overreaction, of course, but I am simply not brave enough to face what would come after without them. They will bury us all next to each other, if there is anything left to bury, in the same cemetery as the Potters. And the newspapers will talk about the 'inseparable trio' and their 'tragic demise'. Other young girl witches will weep over the tragedy and romanticism of it all.  
  
And then I wonder if it is not simpler that I should be killed first. An heroic, selfless death, defending my two best friends, my two dearest loves. I like this notion also, but baulk at the possibility of hurting them.  
  
For I do not know if my feelings are reciprocated.  
  
Harry, I think, suspects. He smiles at me in a sad way sometimes, but there is no pity in his eyes. If he knows, he accepts it and puts the thought aside. Something to think about tomorrow, when the War is over.  
  
Ronald Weasley does not have a clue, or he is a very good actor. His blindness comforts me, his blissful ignorance to the obvious is one of the things I love most about him. Sometimes I move closer to him than is needed, brush against him 'accidentally', just to gauge his reaction. He is adorable when he blushes.  
  
My thoughts come full circle as I again think of the possibility of losing either of them. The moon has risen and I close my eyes against its light as it streaks down through the glass.  
  
Eventually I crawl back into my bed and close my eyes. I dream of Harry's smile, and the touch of Ron's hand. In dreams, we are together forever.  
  
END 


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